Pleading prayers floated up to heaven as I named each of my Sisters and petitioned their requests.
I ran my finger over a text message—“Today would have been my 37 year anniversary.”
Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I read a friend’s blog—a mother’s heartache from losing her son to suicide.
And grief consumed me. Why must we endure suffering? Why?
I could let myself believe that God is the problem. Because if He loves His children, there wouldn’t be pain. If He’s truly in control of all things, surely He’d make everything right.
But He chooses not to.
How can I trust a God who sits idly, watching us undergo tragedies?
I want to stop believing, I do.
A tiny heart flame won’t extinguish. Hope burns ever so slightly, not giving into darkness. An inner voice that whispers, Don’t give up. There IS no other choice, but belief. There are answers this side of heaven where the broken pieces make sense.
And if I give up, I give into the easy way out.
So today, I take another step of faith. One more stride toward heaven.
Believing that one day, I will nod my head in understanding, and be glad that I held on…
But the person in right standing before God
through loyal and steady believing
is fully alive, really alive.