A Celebrity Roast

When you have the nickname ‘Emoney’, what else can your friends do but throw you a celebrity roast, surprise 50th birthday party?

Whispers peppered the room in anticipation of Emoney’s arrival. When his car came into sight from the eye of the living room window, a hush gave way to silence. We waited. This moment had been mulled over for many months and now was playing out within minutes. Anticipation rose and the host opened the door. The room went from silence, to yelling, “Surprise!”

The theme of this celebrity’s party was, Classy/Trashy and no detail was spared:

The MC dressed in his very best attire—he even wore a clock necklace.

A dessert table was filled with Emoney’s favorite sweets: Chocolate cake, Randy’s donuts, Diddy Riese Cookies, Tweenkies on silver platters, M&Ms, Reese’s peanut butter cups, cupcakes…

Some displayed fake tattoos, for those of us who don’t wear the real stuff.

Pictures of our celebrity from times gone by, hung from the ceiling.

Friends came all the way from Canada.

This party had “Emoney” written all over it. No detail was spared.

My most favorite moment, hands down, was the celebrity roast. Emoney sat in the celebrity chair of honor, and listened to each of us share stories and poke fun at him.

Among my favorites:

Emoney’s food and drink preferences:

“Emoney couldn’t pick out a carrot in a line up.”

“If you ever want the lowdown on sugary treats, why the extra bonus cupcake is not really a bonus, or why Costco pop tarts aren’t really a deal, Emoney’s your man.”

“Emoney, the big thug that he is, looked right at me and said, ‘I’ll take a hot chocolate, kids temperature.’ ”

“I didn’t realize how particular he was about his favorite drink, but I learned quickly the first time I took his order:  ‘Pepsi, not Coke…from the fountain—not a can or bottle…extra large…lots of ice…shake it just right…if that’s no trouble.’ “

His motorcycle, scooter, and bicycle riding abilities:

“That wasn’t the fans clapping as we raced down the straightaway. It was the wind making his double chin clap. They now make a custom part for his motorcycle called, the chinshield.”

“He tends to hurt himself doing wheelies.”

“After he crashed his mountain bike, he was stretched out on the ground, and was tended to by a group of boy scouts. Emoney ain’t so tough.”

After hearing about ‘the legend’ for the first time, but unable to recall Eric’s nickname:  

“You know…that Cash-Money guy.”

Hearts were filled with laughter.

And, as each person took their turn roasting our celebrity for his 50th birthday, each ended with something endearing to say about him:

“In his bald majesticness, you’ve gotta pay some homage to him.”

“I love this man—He has taken care of all the people I love.”

“You have no idea how you have impacted my life. You have taught me to love in ways you will never know. You are an amazing dad, a loyal friend, and I capital “L” you.”

The gift of words is a beautiful thing.

When it was my turn to speak, I couldn’t articulate all the love I felt. I wanted to say so much more to honor my best friend. All the sentiment and tender emotion that had layered itself deep into my heart, year after year, sat there ready to be voiced. But I couldn’t quite find the words.

When you love someone, sometimes the mouth can’t express what the heart truly feels.