I wouldn’t change a thing.

An older (or shall I say, wiser) friend texted me yesterday. 

As we exchanged words, we landed on how time is fleeting.

Mesmerized by her response, I lingered.

“I wouldn’t change a thing.”

So many questions came to mind.

Does she live without regrets? 

How does one get to a point of such acceptance of what has transpired, that one would say, I wouldn’t alter the narrative?

I had so much to ask her, but not by text. I will have to meet with her to discover more.

I texted back, “I want to be just like you when I grow up.”

I thought about my own life story. How do I find this peace within of acceptance without longing for different outcomes?  

How many times have I longingly looked back (like Lot’s wife) only to memorialize an unproductive event, turning into a useless pillar of salt?

In order to unravel my questions, I started with writing down all the things I would change.

I sat in my comfy chair in front of the sun drenched window. I thought back to childhood and worked my way forward.

I made a list and ended up with six major events I would alter (if I could).

There was one thing on my list I couldn’t alter, it just was.

Next to each of the other five events,  I wrote a sentence about what I would’ve done instead.  “I would’ve____________.”

I was careful to list what I could changed in me and not in someone else, because I know that’s an impossible feat.

Then I asked myself, “Of these listed, which can you change now?”

I realized in most circumstances, I couldn’t alter what happened, but only fantasize about how I could’ve dealt with those situations of the past. I could however, revise how I handle these types of situations today.

So, I’m going to work on these five items to improve myself.

My goal is to get to that contented space.

I will meet with her and ask her more when I’m ready. In the meantime, I’m still figuring out how to do the personal work so I can get to the space where, I wouldn’t change a thing.